I should have known better

I feel like I'm constantly being myself and yet misleading people at the same time.

I may seem one way, but I'm usually other.

For instance, saying that I'm single, doesn't mean that I'm looking for a boyfriend. In fact the exact opposite. For the first time in my life, inching towards a serious relationship starts to make me feel extremely anxious and worrysome. I start to pump the brakes and even back peddle when I shouldn't even be putting myself in that situation in the first place. If I say to myself that I need to be single, then that's what I need to do. Put aside the fact that you fall in love with every person you meet. Breaking up with someone now to prevent from truly breaking up with them later seems smart but feels horrible.

I have a wonderful wonderful person in my life. Someone that it makes so much sense to be with and yet I just can't. And I don't know why I can't just "get over" this desire to be "free" and just realize what a great opportunity I have.

And this is the 3rd time I've done this. Fucking horrible. I feel like I'm ruining people's lives. When I just need to wear a sign when I meet people that says "I will probably think youre the coolest person ever, but I cannot date you. Sorry" Just so they know upfront.



Nothing is ever easy. Love is not a guarantee.