1.) I GOT WEEKENDS OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2.) "Microcastle" by Deerhunter is a great album to listen to in the bath / while shaving your legs.
3.) I have a cold and I need vitamins.
4.) I will be in Florence on May 8th.
5.) The family is planning their summer vacation in August. It's either Spain or Greece. Stoked.
6.) I got paid today.
7.) I GOT WEEKENDS OFFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
gelato and a movie
Tonight I am going to the "cinema" with Arianna. We are going to see Shutter Island....in Italian, of course. Considering that this film starts at 10:30 and is in another language, I'm afraid I might fall asleep? Maybe? It's a bummer too because I like Leonardo DiCaprio's voice and it will be dubbed in some silly Italian man's voice instead.
Filippo is warming up to me. He is more playful and we have a nightly tradition of playing in-house soccer games. I usually kick his ass but have learned to let him win more otherwise I have to pay with whining and crying.
I felt sick all morning so I stayed in bed until noon. I had the strangest dreams and poor sleep.
I feel better now but am tired.
I wish more of the things in my room were mine.
Filippo is warming up to me. He is more playful and we have a nightly tradition of playing in-house soccer games. I usually kick his ass but have learned to let him win more otherwise I have to pay with whining and crying.
I felt sick all morning so I stayed in bed until noon. I had the strangest dreams and poor sleep.
I feel better now but am tired.
I wish more of the things in my room were mine.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Sun
Today was my day off (yesssssss). Today was also daylight savings here, although I don't know what it's properly called. Now I am 9 hours away from everyone on the west coast. Bah.
I finally met Claudia (a good friend of Lindsay Busa, a good friend of mine) who lives in Ancona, only 25 minutes away. She is super awesome radical. We walked around a big market in town then grabbed some pizza and some beer and headed to the beach. It was very warm today; no jackets necessary. We sat close to the water and talked about everything that two strangers would talk about. I made little rock sculptures while we chatted and sipped our beer.
We made grand summer plans including frequent weekend trips to Croatia and I plan to go up to Ancona as much as I can. New besties. I am so grateful.
Feeling like I have two people here that I can relate to, makes me feel so much more comfortable.
I have high hopes for summer. And my Sundays are sacred.
I finally met Claudia (a good friend of Lindsay Busa, a good friend of mine) who lives in Ancona, only 25 minutes away. She is super awesome radical. We walked around a big market in town then grabbed some pizza and some beer and headed to the beach. It was very warm today; no jackets necessary. We sat close to the water and talked about everything that two strangers would talk about. I made little rock sculptures while we chatted and sipped our beer.
We made grand summer plans including frequent weekend trips to Croatia and I plan to go up to Ancona as much as I can. New besties. I am so grateful.
Feeling like I have two people here that I can relate to, makes me feel so much more comfortable.
I have high hopes for summer. And my Sundays are sacred.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
blue
It's beautiful. And it's right across the street. Lucky me.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Thursday, March 25, 2010
hide (v.) / hide (n.)
Right now, i want to sleep and sleep and sleep.
I want to hibernate until real spring time is here and there are leaves on the trees and the sun gradually cascades across the sky.
Do you know what I mean?
During summer, there's a "high noon" time where the sun is directly above you and everything feels warm and lit up without a shadow.
Right now the sun seems to skip that place.
Maybe Italy is just different, sun included.
I feel like I am in old skin.
Like an animal that molts.
I really really really want that new baby skin that's underneath.
New. Untouched. Sensitive.
I want to hibernate until real spring time is here and there are leaves on the trees and the sun gradually cascades across the sky.
Do you know what I mean?
During summer, there's a "high noon" time where the sun is directly above you and everything feels warm and lit up without a shadow.
Right now the sun seems to skip that place.
Maybe Italy is just different, sun included.
I feel like I am in old skin.
Like an animal that molts.
I really really really want that new baby skin that's underneath.
New. Untouched. Sensitive.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Filippo is throwing a tantrum about godknowswhat. He wont stop crying. Its silly and dramatic in a way that only a 5 year old can cry.
I'm listening from inside my room.
And all I can think is me saying right to his face "CRY ABOUT IT, BABY" while making a really shitty/sarcastic frowny sad face.
He does not like me and I do not like him.
The beginnings of a beautiful friendship, no?
I'm listening from inside my room.
And all I can think is me saying right to his face "CRY ABOUT IT, BABY" while making a really shitty/sarcastic frowny sad face.
He does not like me and I do not like him.
The beginnings of a beautiful friendship, no?
birthday?
Can't stop thinking about my mom today. It's actually making me mad.
And I don't know when any of my friends' birthdays are. It's bumming me out. I dont want people to think that I'm forgetting about them while I'm here.
I wanna wish you a happy birthday.
And I don't know when any of my friends' birthdays are. It's bumming me out. I dont want people to think that I'm forgetting about them while I'm here.
I wanna wish you a happy birthday.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Andy says
that I should write about happy things so people don't start worrying about me over here. So that's what I will do.
Yesterday was great having the day off. Elizabeth (my one american friend over here) and I made lunch at her house and split a bottle of wine. We talked about the numerous cultural differences between here and the states. Mostly about how children are raised here vs. there and it gave me pride to be American, a feeling I haven't felt since Obama was elected president. I like our rules. Our rules allow us our freedom. Yes, things are more laid back here, but also more chaotic. It's interesting. These are the thoughts I was looking forward to thinking.
After lunch we visited a friend of hers who has her own shoe showroom. I am size 37 shoe and therefore the "sample size" so I tried on almost every pair of shoes she makes. 85% sandals. She even hosts a workshop where you pick a pattern and a leather of your choice and you can make your own shoes! how fucking great is that? Its a pricy workshop but it's worth it. Of course I want to leave Italy wearing some fancy sandals I made myself. You bet. You cant even buy them in the U.S...even better.
Today I tried to study Italian, but got frustrated pretty quickly.
Oh! Another good thing is that I'm almost an ex-smoker. It's totally about to happen and I feel pretty great about it. I've had maybe 5 cigarettes since I've arrived here, smoking less and less of each cigarette. "THE EASY WAY TO QUIT SMOKING" Read it, goddamnit. Whether you smoke 1 cigarette a week or 40 a day. Just stop. I'm going to leave Italy an non-smoker. I'm stoked about it.
Happy now, Andy? ;)
I am happy, dont doubt it, even when its masked with fear.
Yesterday was great having the day off. Elizabeth (my one american friend over here) and I made lunch at her house and split a bottle of wine. We talked about the numerous cultural differences between here and the states. Mostly about how children are raised here vs. there and it gave me pride to be American, a feeling I haven't felt since Obama was elected president. I like our rules. Our rules allow us our freedom. Yes, things are more laid back here, but also more chaotic. It's interesting. These are the thoughts I was looking forward to thinking.
After lunch we visited a friend of hers who has her own shoe showroom. I am size 37 shoe and therefore the "sample size" so I tried on almost every pair of shoes she makes. 85% sandals. She even hosts a workshop where you pick a pattern and a leather of your choice and you can make your own shoes! how fucking great is that? Its a pricy workshop but it's worth it. Of course I want to leave Italy wearing some fancy sandals I made myself. You bet. You cant even buy them in the U.S...even better.
Today I tried to study Italian, but got frustrated pretty quickly.
Oh! Another good thing is that I'm almost an ex-smoker. It's totally about to happen and I feel pretty great about it. I've had maybe 5 cigarettes since I've arrived here, smoking less and less of each cigarette. "THE EASY WAY TO QUIT SMOKING" Read it, goddamnit. Whether you smoke 1 cigarette a week or 40 a day. Just stop. I'm going to leave Italy an non-smoker. I'm stoked about it.
Happy now, Andy? ;)
I am happy, dont doubt it, even when its masked with fear.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
PJ's
The family bought these pj's for me today. Yes, that is a zebra. Yes, it says "MY BEST SIDE" underneath. Yes, they are capris.
WHAT DO I DO? WHAT WILL THEY SAY WHEN I NEVER EVER WEAR THESE?!
........this is awkward.
conflict
Yesterday was a bad day.
But last night was better.
And today is good.
So I guess that means I'm headed in the right direction.
Yesterday I burst into tears in a Ralph Lauren outlet store (Italians love their labels).
The sensation was very much like the sensation you have right before you need to throw up.
I felt these tears bubbling behind my eyes and a sensor in my brain said "Amelia, just walk outside. Tell them you need to go outside for a minute" but I didn't. I just sat silently with the children yelling and wrestling around me. Arianna kept telling me to watch Frederica but she (of course) wouldn't listen to me and wanted to be with her father. I felt like I wasn't helping, but I wanted to.
Finally Arianna asked me if I was okay, probably referring to whatever expression I had on my face, when *ERUPTION* *CODE RED* tears just shot from my eyes and I said "I'm having a bad day" and ran outside.
I told her that we do things differently in America, everything is different in America.
I have dealt with children before but I can't deal with children who don't listen or respect me. Yes, there's a language barrier, yes, I'm this new person living in their house and using their bathroom, eating their food. But still. I don't take shit from kids. I don't. I am nurturing and loving and fun and silly but I understand children need to explore but when they climb out of their car seats and you don't do anything about it and they fall head first in the backseat when you slam on your brakes, that's bad parenting. They immediately cry the second they are told "no" and the younger one copies the older one. They throw things. They don't say please or thank you. It's enough to make you mad.....crazy....cry at an outlet store. And I can't insult these people and the way they've raised their children. I can't. That is not my job. But the way I do things and they way they do things just....conflicts.
Today is better though. Today is much better.
But last night was better.
And today is good.
So I guess that means I'm headed in the right direction.
Yesterday I burst into tears in a Ralph Lauren outlet store (Italians love their labels).
The sensation was very much like the sensation you have right before you need to throw up.
I felt these tears bubbling behind my eyes and a sensor in my brain said "Amelia, just walk outside. Tell them you need to go outside for a minute" but I didn't. I just sat silently with the children yelling and wrestling around me. Arianna kept telling me to watch Frederica but she (of course) wouldn't listen to me and wanted to be with her father. I felt like I wasn't helping, but I wanted to.
Finally Arianna asked me if I was okay, probably referring to whatever expression I had on my face, when *ERUPTION* *CODE RED* tears just shot from my eyes and I said "I'm having a bad day" and ran outside.
I told her that we do things differently in America, everything is different in America.
I have dealt with children before but I can't deal with children who don't listen or respect me. Yes, there's a language barrier, yes, I'm this new person living in their house and using their bathroom, eating their food. But still. I don't take shit from kids. I don't. I am nurturing and loving and fun and silly but I understand children need to explore but when they climb out of their car seats and you don't do anything about it and they fall head first in the backseat when you slam on your brakes, that's bad parenting. They immediately cry the second they are told "no" and the younger one copies the older one. They throw things. They don't say please or thank you. It's enough to make you mad.....crazy....cry at an outlet store. And I can't insult these people and the way they've raised their children. I can't. That is not my job. But the way I do things and they way they do things just....conflicts.
Today is better though. Today is much better.
Friday, March 19, 2010
undressed
My good friend and mentor, Love Ablan shot some photos of me last fall (when I was still tan) and paired it with a great interview. I feel honored. Thanks, Amore.
Here is the interview: http://www.loveablan.com/blog/?p=580
And here is her site: http://www.loveablan.com/
Here is the interview: http://www.loveablan.com/blog/?p=580
And here is her site: http://www.loveablan.com/
Lalibela
I keep forgetting about the time change.
I jump online so excited to see whats happening, but everyone is asleep.
ah, yes, that's right.
Tonight I am going to eat italian chinese food. I'm looking forward to it.
I have to pick Filippo up from school at 4. Before then I think I am going to go on a photo adventure.
I've been good at not smoking. I swear the book I'm reading is a life saver. I wish I could go back in time and give it to my mom. Although I doubt she would have ever turned the front cover.
I am wearing one of her dresses today. I like it.
I miss my porch and my bed. I miss the gold room and the cha cha.
I miss burritos.
The sun is finally reaching my friends. I hope you all slept soundly.
I jump online so excited to see whats happening, but everyone is asleep.
ah, yes, that's right.
Tonight I am going to eat italian chinese food. I'm looking forward to it.
I have to pick Filippo up from school at 4. Before then I think I am going to go on a photo adventure.
I've been good at not smoking. I swear the book I'm reading is a life saver. I wish I could go back in time and give it to my mom. Although I doubt she would have ever turned the front cover.
I am wearing one of her dresses today. I like it.
I miss my porch and my bed. I miss the gold room and the cha cha.
I miss burritos.
The sun is finally reaching my friends. I hope you all slept soundly.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Day 1 in Italy
Greetings from Italy. I arrived last night into Rome and was greeted by family Im staying with, with a poster that said WELCOME AMELIA. It was adorable. We ate in a famous plaza in Rome, not sure where, and I had some amazing pasta. I knew that would be the case. I feel like my thoughts are already coming out in an Italian accent. I am tired.
I thought the minimal spanish I knew would help but so far, it is not. I am kicking myself for not studying Italian more before I left. Thankfully, everyone I have met has been very sweet.
I unpacked all of my belongings this morning and I learned quickly that I overpacked. Way overpacked. I wouldnt miss half the things I brought. Whoops.
The children are beautiful, but tyrants. They do things to deserve the word "NO" but theyve never been taught what it means. I can tell its already putting me in a very comprimising position especially considering the language barrier. I was also under the impression that the eldest, Phillipo, spoke a bit of english but this is not the case. Neither of them listen.
Besides that I learned that the house is not equipped with the internet. Call me a California brat, but WUTTHEFUCCCK?!? I am not in a third-world country. I am embarassed with how devistated I am. Im so devistated I have been crying for the last 30 minutes non-stop. Silly. Maybe its the internet, maybe its the Implanon. I am grateful that Francisco (the father) brought his computer and key home for me to use. But it was jarring that I cant just open my computer and feel familiarity. I bought a new computer for that reason.
I guess I musnt dwell on it too much. It will all be okay and work itself out.
I want the shock to wear off a bit. I dont want to feel like a fish out of water too long.
Everyone in Italy has really great shoes.
I thought the minimal spanish I knew would help but so far, it is not. I am kicking myself for not studying Italian more before I left. Thankfully, everyone I have met has been very sweet.
I unpacked all of my belongings this morning and I learned quickly that I overpacked. Way overpacked. I wouldnt miss half the things I brought. Whoops.
The children are beautiful, but tyrants. They do things to deserve the word "NO" but theyve never been taught what it means. I can tell its already putting me in a very comprimising position especially considering the language barrier. I was also under the impression that the eldest, Phillipo, spoke a bit of english but this is not the case. Neither of them listen.
Besides that I learned that the house is not equipped with the internet. Call me a California brat, but WUTTHEFUCCCK?!? I am not in a third-world country. I am embarassed with how devistated I am. Im so devistated I have been crying for the last 30 minutes non-stop. Silly. Maybe its the internet, maybe its the Implanon. I am grateful that Francisco (the father) brought his computer and key home for me to use. But it was jarring that I cant just open my computer and feel familiarity. I bought a new computer for that reason.
I guess I musnt dwell on it too much. It will all be okay and work itself out.
I want the shock to wear off a bit. I dont want to feel like a fish out of water too long.
Everyone in Italy has really great shoes.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Peacing OUT
So the time has come, and I have to go.
The amount of fear that I feel is much more than expected, but welcomed.
BRING IT, FEAR! I OWN YOU.
I am so grateful for my life. I am so grateful for my past, present, and future.
This journey will open me in places I didn't know existed. I am so excited. anxious.
I have no expectations and that makes it the best.
I will tell you about my journeys. I will keep in touch. I'll be back before you know it.
I will miss you.
I already do.
Wish me luck.
The amount of fear that I feel is much more than expected, but welcomed.
BRING IT, FEAR! I OWN YOU.
I am so grateful for my life. I am so grateful for my past, present, and future.
This journey will open me in places I didn't know existed. I am so excited. anxious.
I have no expectations and that makes it the best.
I will tell you about my journeys. I will keep in touch. I'll be back before you know it.
I will miss you.
I already do.
Wish me luck.
Monday, March 08, 2010
I took my heart with me when I left San Francisco
I got back from San Francisco today in what seemed like record time. 5hrs and 21 minutes. I stopped twice. I did not practice Italian like I told myself I would. But I was super sleepy the whole time and knew that none of it would absorb anyway.
San Francisco still remains to be the most beautiful city in this country as far as I'm concerned. I did a lot and it wore me out but in a good way. I actually saw everyone I wanted to see, even though never for long enough. I had dinner with my uncle and felt tears right behind my face the entire time. He looks so much like my mom. Even down to the gap in his teeth. Everyone on that side of the family looks alike. I was also so grateful to be with a member of my family. It's a sentiment that I'll never take for granted ever again.
Seeing faces I never see gives me the purest joy. going on adventures and talking about shit. eating good food and drinking mediocrely cheap booze. It was a wonderful week all in all.
I was homesick, though. Almost immediately. That was scary. As much as I like spontaneity and adventure, I also love my home. I love by bed and my things and I'm going to miss that so much.
I've also overpacked. I need to consolidate. I have a week to get everything done. I hope I see some people.
Italy in t-minus 7 days.
San Francisco still remains to be the most beautiful city in this country as far as I'm concerned. I did a lot and it wore me out but in a good way. I actually saw everyone I wanted to see, even though never for long enough. I had dinner with my uncle and felt tears right behind my face the entire time. He looks so much like my mom. Even down to the gap in his teeth. Everyone on that side of the family looks alike. I was also so grateful to be with a member of my family. It's a sentiment that I'll never take for granted ever again.
Seeing faces I never see gives me the purest joy. going on adventures and talking about shit. eating good food and drinking mediocrely cheap booze. It was a wonderful week all in all.
I was homesick, though. Almost immediately. That was scary. As much as I like spontaneity and adventure, I also love my home. I love by bed and my things and I'm going to miss that so much.
I've also overpacked. I need to consolidate. I have a week to get everything done. I hope I see some people.
Italy in t-minus 7 days.
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