I don't know why today feels special, but it does. June marks the beginning of summer and also the "half-way point" of the year. Only 6 months ago I was barfing up a storm on NYE and telling 2009 to eat my shorts, now I'm in Italy, watching a 2 year old girl try and open the plastic packaging of a highly preserved confectionary dessert. Life is surely different.
Last night I laid in bed and cried and cried and cried. I surrendered to the fact that I just needed to cry about so many things, none of them as important and as sad as one. I recounted the last words my mother ever spoke to me. I thought about how I wish I could have seen her grow old, to know what she would have been like in her old age, but how she would make some joke about how she got out while she was still sassy and beautiful. I thought about how much I would give, just to be able to call her. I would gladly give most everything I own, possibly a limb. I never thought I would miss her so much, I never realized how much of a presence she had in my life even though we would only talk once a week, living hundreds of miles away from each other.
I suppose there's nothing like the comfort that a mother provides and I know that's the prescription I need right now and there's no way to get it. I am forced to find alternatives, but I don't know where they are.
It's still fairly cold here and all I want is warm sun everyday like L.A. I want the days to be so beautiful that they pull me outside and wrap me in warmth. Like a sun hug. I am still waiting.
I can't believe I'm almost 24.
No comments:
Post a Comment